Whenever something is bothering me I have this urge to get up and clean things, for example my stove top, it’s one of those silver fucking things with the hot plates on it, separate to the oven.
The knobs used to have writing around them for the temperature gauge, well let’s say it is now safe to state that there is no writing left what so ever on this now shining and I mean glowing clean (wasn’t dirty to start with) but is now a work of fucking art thanks to this obsessive compulsive disorder that seems to come over me when I am stressed out pissed off or just generally feeling on edge.
At 3am in the morning here is me, and my trusty cloth, cut and polish hello elements look out your about to get cleaned for the third time in two weeks, oh hello trusty duster, as I climb on tables to dust fans off and wipe down window ledges around fucking door trims, and back to my desk that I pull out the trusty paint brush and continue my dusting frenzy with.
Marks on walls hello, I see you, sprays with spray and wipe shit and begins spot fucking cleaning walls.
What’s bothering me?
Other than life in general, the constant never ending pressure I am under, this business merger crap that I am still learning about, oh and of course then comes working with clients.
Now in my job I avoid working one on one with clients, for two reasons, one, I don’t want to do it, and two, I am the boss and don’t have to do it if I choose not to.
In my mind are two reasons that are good enough, thank you very much your honour.
Occasionally I find myself working with certain clients due to the mysterious ways of the universe, and how it comes knocking on your door leaving you no option but to assist in the request, finding yourself working intensively with a client who requires probably nothing more than someone to hear them.
An ear to validate their thoughts, someone who just gets what their saying, not some patronising dick head who sits there with their legs crossed nodding their head like one of those fucking things that go on the car dash.
‘And how does that make you feel?’ what the fucking hell is that question all about?
Anyway as I finally sit back at my desk I decided to spit out my thoughts in a random blog.
Wondering to myself as I was cleaning away just how or what was it that made us humans become so pessimistic?
Was it the fact that we have come to realise that fairy tales don’t exist, or that bad shit is real? Or is it just the simple fact that somehow we have come to accept things for being simply fucked up?
Reality shows us that if we look at the bright side of things, try to find that silver lining within that cloud, we get a bolt of lightning straight through us, the bright side simply is how we wish things were, and reality is what it is.
Sometimes we feel lost isolated alone and kind of ripped off at the entire life thing, while other times we feel crowded, suffocated, struggling to keep up with all that the world and those within it expect us to do.
Balance is a bit like Santa, as we aim to find it somewhere within the yin and yang version of life, yet those scales never seem to weigh out properly.
Always trying to reach something out there in the big world of life’s continuous circle, yet never being quite able to grab hold of what we are trying to reach.
Kind of becomes a mundane lesson that life continues to fuck around with our heads and seems to sit back and laugh at us whilst we stupidly continue to train our thoughts to think positively, stop thinking the negative side of things for once, look at things from a new perspective, blah blah.
Keep searching for love, continue chasing the end of the rainbow there is a pot of gold waiting there. What a load of shit, 4 leaf clovers are no more good luck than a chunk of grass and face it rainbows are pretty illusions created by the u,v rays that are slowly killing us all with their invisible toxins.
So when I am pissed off or stressed out or simply wanting to do something anything I clean the words off the stove top the marks off the walls and still come back to the beginning with no real answers that I was hoping to find whilst inhaling the chemicals I was cleaning with,
That’s life I am guessing, maybe there are some things we are not meant to know.