1 Step @ a Time

Over the past few weeks I have become a living walking fucking accident, today was the last straw when I found myself head first on barbed wire.

I literally lost the plot after I pulled my forehead off the spikes, stormed up the driveway and into the house, this is when I announced in no uncertain terms if I walked into or was tangled up one more fucking time in barbed wire I was fucking moving out! End quote.

This is only one of several accidents I have found myself having over the past few weeks, yet it was the straw that broke the camel’s back it was the final the last the I cannot take this shit anymore incident that would see me lose  my temper as I felt my blood boiling inside my veins.

I am covered in bruises, calla’s blisters and cuts, I have stood on a fucking nail, had a ute cage fall on my legs skinning my shins and ankles, I have fallen tripped and rolled my ankles on countless occasions, kicked boulders and found myself wrapped up in bloody barbed wire where I have been scratched and pricked more times than I can mention, I have nearly had my head taken off as barbed wire has sprung out of a tree as I walked past it and I have had a run in with a cactus bush or three when attempting to remove these dangerous bastards so my son didn’t hurt himself on them.

I have had stones flick up at me hitting me in the face and I have walked through some plant that I am allergic to making me itch from head to toe resulting in a rash, topped off with fucking lice in my hair from flying vermin that has taken the house next door and turned it into a giant fucking nesting hole for every pigeon to roost in across the great Australian divide.

So when I was to impale myself this morning on more barbed wire my temper had reached that point of exploding.

Apart from my temper tantrum today life out here in the country is still a life I am getting used to, the peace and quiet can and does drive you stupid, as the silence can and does become deafening.

Although I am somewhat fucked off and totally frustrated at the amount of accidents I am having of late, and I am sick to death of hearing my own voice echo off the mountains as I scream out with literally nobody to hear my cries, I wonder to myself how the hell people live out here for 45 years or more?

During the days I keep myself busy so I don’t literally go insane with the solace that country life offers, as I plod around in the garden, paint doorways and window frames, up cycle and do whatever I can to keep my body and mind busy.

Do I feel isolated? Yes I fucking do! Am I settling into life out here in the kuntry? No I am not, yet I smile and carry on so my boy and his dad have that feeling we all deserve of security as I bite my mouth often my lip fighting tears of frustration mixed with god only knows what mental emotion and carry on as usual to save face if nothing else.

Homesick?

Yes I am, homesick for a home where? Well this Is the million dollar question, it’s been so long since I felt at home somewhere, I forget where home is.

People tell me home is where your family is, I would usually agree, just not this time as I look around me and see nothing but mountains and green fucking trees grass and paddocks.

1 step at a time is the words I keep telling myself in my head over and over, one step at a time.

 

 

 

 

Ethics my Arse

I was sitting thinking as I read over the code of ethics and the changes that are made to this code of ethics for a social service worker, as I sat and read through this endless code of ethics and conduct it began to occur to me, there is a code of ethics in most things in our lives, its normally called morals I would assume.

However like most things we seem to each have our own personal views on what we do or do not choose to see as moral and or ethical.

I suppose each to their own, but as I continued to read into the new changes within the code of ethics, and my mind began to get numb at the thought of the never ending changes regardless of how insignificant they may be in my thought process, it has taken an entire committee of people from across the world overall to come up with this ethical rule book.

A total of 8 chapters from beginning to end.

These 8 chapters or revisions as they are called, include the first and last chapter, one being the introduction about the new code of ethics and the final of course being the conclusion.

Still that leaves a mind numbing 6 chapters of revision to go through.

So as I read through from introduction to conclusion, I started to see the significance of the main alterations and amendments that this code had incorporated.

Not that it had changed the word religious to spiritual, nor had it taken into account informed consent from a minor sorry I stand corrected, a child or young person, it was the significance of new values that had me scratching my head.

Firstly the words new values, as though these words meant nothing in comparison to the old values, I mean holy bloody moley.

Then it hits me a particular paragraph that states social workers will recognise and acknowledge and remain sensitive to and respectful of the religious and spiritual world views of individuals, groups and communities and social networks and the operations and mission of faith and spirituality based organisations. Fair enough, we are after all individuals therefore we all have some form of belief its natural however for it to have to be written in the ethics well it made me realise just how small the world and the minds within our world can really be none the less I continue reading.

I read on, social workers will participate in implementing culturally competent safe and sensitive practise, well I have learnt that in the field of any social work one should never assume therefore it got me wondering why the hell would this clause need to be rewritten it’s called human nature, maybe I was mistaken, maybe sometimes things really do need to be spelled out.

The list continues to go on, and on, and on, to the point I stop at social worker will provide a culturally safe service system in which all children families and communities feel safe, respected and which responds holistically to the context of family and community and I think to myself why in the hell would I attend 4 years plus doing a degree in something I believed in so much that I went onto university to be reading this ethics code that has been amended and changed altered and had inclusions for added provisions put into what I see as common sense and basic human compassion?

Really, why on earth a code has to spell out informed consent for children and young people is beyond me, a child’s parents and or care givers should have a right to know when and if there is cause for concern, at what age does a social worker have the right to choose what is right or wrong or socially acceptable in regards to another person’s child?

What gives somebody the so called right to make this decision for another person in the first place?

In my mind the idea of social providers or social workers is to help others not judge nor hinder them and make things in our daily lives harder than they already are, yet this code of ethics that needs to be re written every 7 years continues to have to spell out the basics that we as humans should have built into our beings.

For some reason it would seem it’s not a natural thing to have empathy and or respect for another human life apparently we need to have it changed altered and re written every couple of years to ensure that we do not forget the basic human needs.

With the added emphasises placed on indigenous issues that sadly would not have become issues for lack of any other words had the Anglo Australian in my country, not come to the land down under in the 1900’s and moved in on the natives of this country, short selling the indigenous people and their naivety taking their land and good will in place of a swap deal that the natives in Australia had no idea or concept of at the time.

Yet still to this day this moment governments world-wide are continuing to do what they have always done as they claim to make big changes to countries to their bills, health plans, pensions and ethics, yet somehow something’s never change.

In fact they become increasingly worse, however so long as we have a code of ethics that is re written and changed every so often I suppose that one should not worry too much about the facts, and how things have come to be so totally wrong in such a big world, because at the end of the day I suppose it all comes back to the whole politics of the situation, and how governments world-wide choose to address issues within their own land on ethics and political correctness.

Keeping in mind that we use the word spiritual now not just religious, we do not use colour or sex to refer to any person, and we must remember to claim that we care for an environment that we as people overall as a race have taken from the very mother that gave to us in the beginning of all time the mother earth, leaving her with nothing left to bear.

However as long as it is written in some code of ethics somewhere, then I suppose it will all work out environmentally friendly, and the world shall not end up one giant ball of gas that is inhabitable by humans as we know it to be today.

Presumption Is The Mother

I have said it before and I say it again being homeless is not contagious; it’s not a disease you’re going to catch by simply saying hello to a person in hardship.

 

Conditioning and stereo typing has had a huge impact on us as individuals overall, as we view being homeless as some form of a choice, I often hear people asking why the hell is he or she homeless? There are shelters they can go to and charities.

 

Let me inform those out there with that one eyed view of homelessness being a choice as though the person in that situation has chosen to live a life of humiliation, degradation and total misery! Yes there may be shelters there may be charities out there, but these organizations are not equipped for the supply of their services to meet the demand of people who need to access help.

 

People are being turned away each and every day due to organizations simply not having a spare bed for the night, or the ability to be able to help each and every individual that is out there doing it rough.

 

Each day hospitals will discharge patients who have had operations therapy’s such as chemo therapy and other procedures out of their care and onto the streets.

 

Nobody out there has chosen  to become homeless, nobody  out there has chosen to live and fight with all they have in them to survive from minute to minute making it through the days as they pass.

 

Having no home, is one hell of an eye opener as you begin to realize just what you once took for granted, the hot shower, the making a coffee, the fridge the light switch, wiping down your bench tops, the safety of the front door.

 

These are all things that are basic human needs, we all need food and shelter, and we all deserve to be treated like we are people regardless of our race, sexual preference or color, our age or what we believe in, not one man is better than any other, no matter how many degrees in education they hold, no matter who they may rub shoulders with, we are all the same.

 

We all bleed, need, cry, feel and we all breath, which is what has me so totally shocked at how people react when they see somebody who is homeless.

 

Some will stare, some will deliberately cross the road, move away, look away, others will pretend they did not notice, meanwhile, forgetting that a simple smile, a nod of your head as you move on past, can do more than a million dollars could do for a person who is at their all-time low point.

 

Many will hit rock bottom and stay there, become trapped there, and learn a new way of life, some will make it out of the lowest of the lows and back towards some form of what they may consider as normal, others will never wake to see the sun rise the following day.

 

The reality of homelessness people, is we are all two pay checks away from it, you, me the guy next door, the old man in his flat, the lady at the shop who serves you, whoever you are, or whoever you think you might be, you are two pay checks away from feeling the cold hard reality of the concrete as your pillow and the streets as your blankets.

 

Don’t fool yourselves into thinking that it can’t happen to you, that you have savings in that tiny bank account, you own your home free hold, you have the best job in this world, and your boss couldn’t possibly fire you, because you my friend are living in a fairy tale, and trust me from experience, happy ever after does not exist.

 

Keep in your mind that your presumption of a situation is not always how it actually is, never presume you know anything until you yourself have lived in the shoes of those your presuming have ended up in that position thanks to conditioning of the media and popular belief that has led us to see things through an overall one eye view.

 

Windows

They say our eyes are the windows to our souls.

This cliché got me thinking, my eyes as I describe them are mood eyes, similar to the mood ring.

With my mood my eyes will change colour from their natural green colour to a deeper green almost pure black, sometimes pale green, and others they are like a radioactive florescent green.

What I see through my eyes is not always how others view the same thing when they look at the same thing through their eyes.

Some people seem to have in their minds eye, this word association thing that goes with my name I suppose; they see something that I am simply not.

I am by far as shallow as a puddle, make no mistake about this, people however seem to say I discredit myself and am far deeper than any puddle they have ever seen, I state the obvious when I tell people straight out that I am not this nice person who is all sugar and spice.

In fact I am the opposite to what most people paint me in their creative minds eye.

On their canvas’s I am some angelic marvel, who knows all the answers to life’s fucked up questions and some miracle worker who is magic.

Fact is I am none of the above; I am an average girl trying to make it through the same shitty world the rest of us are in.

There is no use putting me on some high up their pedestal because trust me on this, I will fall from it, I am not great with the whole heights thing.

I’m not a girl who loves to wear high heels for no reason, in fact truth be told I prefer my good old stinky fluffy purple ugg boots, I am not a chick who likes to spend a million dollars on some fucking haircut, nor do I overly take my time in the mornings when splashing on that war paint make up shit.

It’s a quick splash over with foundation to hide the forming wrinkles and black marks under my eyes, followed by whacking on the good and faithful black eyeliner, followed by mascara, lip-gloss, and bang its done.

I’m not big on sparkles or glitter in fact both of these things kind of irritate the shit out of me, and truth be known give me my god damn jeans any day over a fucking skirt and itchy stockings.

Bra’s well there the most uncomfortable things known to the human race, and lacy undies, let’s just say I own them, but there not my favourite things to strut my arse in.

When out at a social function or party, I tend to fit more with the guys, not because I am some bimbo with my boobs bursting out, but because females simply don’t mix well with me and the feeling is too mutual on my side.

I am not a woman who is joyful at spending any amount of time in any kind of shop in fact I hate shopping and malls with a passion.

I pull my hair up out of my face and into a ponytail, I can’t be bothered fucking about with pins and pretty clips, yet for some reason people have some picture of this glamorous lady in their head.

The reality of it is as follows:

Lady and Angel do not go in the same sentence, yes I get my period, have breasts, and the other bits that women have, I also get the whole pre and post menstrual tension and stress thing the older I seem to get,

I am far from any girly girl on this planet, and am a realist rather than an optimist.

Optimism is a cop out if you ask me.

I don’t believe in white picket fences, I don’t believe in happily ever after and I sure as shit am no fucking miracle worker.

I do what I do as to how I do it is beyond me.

I quite often am rude and know it, I hate talking to strangers especially those who out of nowhere will come up to me in the mall and start telling me their life fucking story.

I have no hesitation in telling somebody off when they push ahead of me, or are simply ignorant without cause.

I am sarcastic and not afraid to voice it.

Yes I am guilty of having that human compassionate side to me, no matter how much I try to fight it.

I know right from wrong, and I know good from bad (for the most part).

It’s not rocket science after all to know when you’re doing the wrong thing by yourself or to others, yet there are so many selfish fuckers out there who continue to walk around pretending to know who they are, never admitting to themselves their just complete fakes, phonies and frauds.

I am who I am it’s as simple as that.

Windows

They say our eyes are the windows to our souls.

This cliché got me thinking, my eyes as I describe them are mood eyes, similar to the mood ring.

With my mood my eyes will change colour from their natural green colour to a deeper green almost pure black, sometimes pale green, and others they are like a radioactive florescent green.

What I see through my eyes is not always how others view the same thing when they look at the same thing through their eyes.

Some people seem to have in their minds eye, this word association thing that goes with my name I suppose; they see something that I am simply not.

I am by far as shallow as a puddle, make no mistake about this, people however seem to say I discredit myself and am far deeper than any puddle they have ever seen, I state the obvious when I tell people straight out that I am not this nice person who is all sugar and spice.

In fact I am the opposite to what most people paint me in their creative minds eye.

On their canvas’s I am some angelic marvel, who knows all the answers to life’s fucked up questions and some miracle worker who is magic.

Fact is I am none of the above; I am an average girl trying to make it through the same shitty world the rest of us are in.

There is no use putting me on some high up their pedestal because trust me on this, I will fall from it, I am not great with the whole heights thing.

I’m not a girl who loves to wear high heels for no reason, in fact truth be told I prefer my good old stinky fluffy purple ugg boots, I am not a chick who likes to spend a million dollars on some fucking haircut, nor do I overly take my time in the mornings when splashing on that war paint make up shit.

It’s a quick splash over with foundation to hide the forming wrinkles and black marks under my eyes, followed by whacking on the good and faithful black eyeliner, followed by mascara, lip-gloss, and bang its done.

I’m not big on sparkles or glitter in fact both of these things kind of irritate the shit out of me, and truth be known give me my god damn jeans any day over a fucking skirt and itchy stockings.

Bra’s well there the most uncomfortable things known to the human race, and lacy undies, let’s just say I own them, but there not my favourite things to strut my arse in.

When out at a social function or party, I tend to fit more with the guys, not because I am some bimbo with my boobs bursting out, but because females simply don’t mix well with me and the feeling is too mutual on my side.

I am not a woman who is joyful at spending any amount of time in any kind of shop in fact I hate shopping and malls with a passion.

I pull my hair up out of my face and into a ponytail, I can’t be bothered fucking about with pins and pretty clips, yet for some reason people have some picture of this glamorous lady in their head.

The reality of it is as follows:

Lady and Angel do not go in the same sentence, yes I get my period, have breasts, and the other bits that women have, I also get the whole pre and post menstrual tension and stress thing the older I seem to get,

I am far from any girly girl on this planet, and am a realist rather than an optimist.

Optimism is a cop out if you ask me.

I don’t believe in white picket fences, I don’t believe in happily ever after and I sure as shit am no fucking miracle worker.

I do what I do as to how I do it is beyond me.

I quite often am rude and know it, I hate talking to strangers especially those who out of nowhere will come up to me in the mall and start telling me their life fucking story.

I have no hesitation in telling somebody off when they push ahead of me, or are simply ignorant without cause.

I am sarcastic and not afraid to voice it.

Yes I am guilty of having that human compassionate side to me, no matter how much I try to fight it.

I know right from wrong, and I know good from bad (for the most part).

It’s not rocket science after all to know when you’re doing the wrong thing by yourself or to others, yet there are so many selfish fuckers out there who continue to walk around pretending to know who they are, never admitting to themselves their just complete fakes, phonies and frauds.

I am who I am it’s as simple as that.

Stop

Reblogged from Angel-Shoot-2-Kill:

Fail 2 C

 

I believe in treating others in the way you wish to be treated, therefore showing respect is something that should yet sadly often doesn't come naturally to people.

 

Does it really take that much to ask another if they are OK?

 

Is it the fear their reply may be no I am not OK and you may have to help the person in some way that stops us from asking this simple question or is it the fact we simply have become complacent and act as though if things don’t affect us directly or have any form of impact on our lives then things don’t matter therefore why bother asking somebody if they are OK?

Read more… 395 more words

Want

We all want something in our life could be an object, or a promotion. It could even be a person

Most of the time tho, we always want something we can’t get why?

 

because thats just life.

 

thats reality

 

So, instead of whining and complaining how bout you just take your time to appreciate what you have in your life right now?

 

You may want new shoes, and some people out there don’t even have feet

 

You didn’t like dinner tonight, and some people out there don’t even have anything to eat.

 

You hate your parents? Some kids out there don’t have parents

 

Human Nature.. A bottomless pit of desire. We always  strive for more, we never get full.

 

That’s why we should tell ourselves to take our time to thank f@ck for what he gave us and appreciate things that are around us.

 

Want

We all want something in our life could be an object, or a promotion. It could even be a person

Most of the time tho, we always want something we can’t get why?

 

because thats just life.

 

thats reality

 

So, instead of whining and complaining how bout you just take your time to appreciate what you have in your life right now?

 

You may want new shoes, and some people out there don’t even have feet

 

You didn’t like dinner tonight, and some people out there don’t even have anything to eat.

 

You hate your parents? Some kids out there don’t have parents

 

Human Nature.. A bottomless pit of desire. We always  strive for more, we never get full.

 

That’s why we should tell ourselves to take our time to thank f@ck for what he gave us and appreciate things that are around us.

 

Want

We all want something in our life could be an object, or a promotion. It could even be a person

Most of the time tho, we always want something we can’t get why?

 

because thats just life.

 

thats reality

 

So, instead of whining and complaining how bout you just take your time to appreciate what you have in your life right now?

 

You may want new shoes, and some people out there don’t even have feet

 

You didn’t like dinner tonight, and some people out there don’t even have anything to eat.

 

You hate your parents? Some kids out there don’t have parents

 

Human Nature.. A bottomless pit of desire. We always  strive for more, we never get full.

 

That’s why we should tell ourselves to take our time to thank f@ck for what he gave us and appreciate things that are around us.

 

80′s..Wax on Wax Off

 

What did people do before the humble computer and the infinite wisdom of google entered our worlds? How were we able to communicate send messages or report the events as we see them through our own eyes prior to the days of good old face book and twitter?

We run over to ask Jeeves or google for the answers to any of our questions we read our friends and families updates via a feed in face book and we live in a world that is solely and wholly reliant on the electronic highway.

Hell if I didn’t have face book I would never know what my son is thinking, he talks in a cyber-language of ffs, or lol, not mum I feel mum I’m thinking, it’s a world of digital slang and small talk in our marvellous millennium.

Short hand now consists of 3 letters, omg, ffs, lol, and occasionaly lmfao or roflmfao, which to me is a language I would rather not have learnt yet somehow I can speak it read it and sadly know it all too well.

With a world as fast paced as the one we seem to have created for ourselves and generation y, I wonder to myself how the hell did we get on prior to the 80’s which would see the personal computer come into play.

Speaking of the 80’s this was a time that would see our world turn inside out, as famine would reach its all-time high, live aid would be a concert us 80’s kids will always remember and yes it’s the era that would see Ms-dos written into history.

Fashion, well that would turn around and do full circle in the millennium years, when today we see skirts, jackets, leggings even leg warmers as we say I used to own a pair of those Olivia newton john leggings that she wore in the movie let’s get physical where her song would be top of the charts not quite a one hit wonder.

Today Ms Olivia is riddled with Botox as she continues to mimic the looks of the famous Sandra Dee.

Oh dear god, wax on wax off, from the karate kid is a sentence the good old 80’s would instil for all of time, followed by yes Daniel son and his famous little instructor Mr meagee.

Life was so different back in the good old days, bed time was chosen for us, the worst problem we had would be if we were not being spoken to by our flavour of the month best friend, and we would wish and pray that we would grow up.

Now in the year 2013, we look back on the 80’d, even 90’s as a distant and vivid memory of how it was as opposed to how it is, and wonder where two decades have gone.

We see stars like Madonna, and Olivia newton john who have tried so desperately to retain their youth that they have made plastic surgery look scary, as we try to keep up with the top 40 of today.

The Justin beibers, and Kris browns, with their who flung dung songs, and their computer generated voices that makes Nikki minaj seem to grow a star ship out of that massive but she has going.

Yes things do come around that go around, including our yesterdays as we look at our daughters and see so much of our younger selves in their reflection.

I shake my head at how much I see in the reflection of my kids, the good the bad and the ugly.

The selfish the tantrums the I don’t likes and the im not doings, the arguments at bed time, the battles in the morning, the mum I needs, and the mum I have to haves.

I cringe when I hear but mum my girlfriend said, as I bite the inside of my mouth and think my fucking girl friend? What the hell or should I say wtf?

A girl friend I grin, I breath, I attempt to change the conversation from this girl friend my baby boy seems to think he has before I call her a name that she probably isn’t, but hey I am the mother now, the women she should be scared of meeting the women who knows that nobody will ever be good enough for my sons or daughters, the women who made it through wax on wax off, and who came out this side of the twenty first century.

Oh god when did I get so fucking old? How did I get so old?