Over the past few weeks I have become a living walking fucking accident, today was the last straw when I found myself head first on barbed wire.
I literally lost the plot after I pulled my forehead off the spikes, stormed up the driveway and into the house, this is when I announced in no uncertain terms if I walked into or was tangled up one more fucking time in barbed wire I was fucking moving out! End quote.
This is only one of several accidents I have found myself having over the past few weeks, yet it was the straw that broke the camel’s back it was the final the last the I cannot take this shit anymore incident that would see me lose my temper as I felt my blood boiling inside my veins.
I am covered in bruises, calla’s blisters and cuts, I have stood on a fucking nail, had a ute cage fall on my legs skinning my shins and ankles, I have fallen tripped and rolled my ankles on countless occasions, kicked boulders and found myself wrapped up in bloody barbed wire where I have been scratched and pricked more times than I can mention, I have nearly had my head taken off as barbed wire has sprung out of a tree as I walked past it and I have had a run in with a cactus bush or three when attempting to remove these dangerous bastards so my son didn’t hurt himself on them.
I have had stones flick up at me hitting me in the face and I have walked through some plant that I am allergic to making me itch from head to toe resulting in a rash, topped off with fucking lice in my hair from flying vermin that has taken the house next door and turned it into a giant fucking nesting hole for every pigeon to roost in across the great Australian divide.
So when I was to impale myself this morning on more barbed wire my temper had reached that point of exploding.
Apart from my temper tantrum today life out here in the country is still a life I am getting used to, the peace and quiet can and does drive you stupid, as the silence can and does become deafening.
Although I am somewhat fucked off and totally frustrated at the amount of accidents I am having of late, and I am sick to death of hearing my own voice echo off the mountains as I scream out with literally nobody to hear my cries, I wonder to myself how the hell people live out here for 45 years or more?
During the days I keep myself busy so I don’t literally go insane with the solace that country life offers, as I plod around in the garden, paint doorways and window frames, up cycle and do whatever I can to keep my body and mind busy.
Do I feel isolated? Yes I fucking do! Am I settling into life out here in the kuntry? No I am not, yet I smile and carry on so my boy and his dad have that feeling we all deserve of security as I bite my mouth often my lip fighting tears of frustration mixed with god only knows what mental emotion and carry on as usual to save face if nothing else.
Yes I am, homesick for a home where? Well this Is the million dollar question, it’s been so long since I felt at home somewhere, I forget where home is.
People tell me home is where your family is, I would usually agree, just not this time as I look around me and see nothing but mountains and green fucking trees grass and paddocks.
1 step at a time is the words I keep telling myself in my head over and over, one step at a time.