WTF Again?


 

Just when you think that you have things in life pretty much sorted out in the back of your mind, boom, bang, fuck me it’s all happening all over again.

that old feeling of having been here before and done this shit already seems to come crashing back to the forefront of your mind, as you find yourself standing back in front of that same old same old mirror that place you know you have been before and done this whole thing only to find yourself repeating it all over again.

For me this boom bang harsh slap to the face called reality was discovering that I am pregnant again.

After finally coming to terms with, maybe even accepting that babies for me now would be my grandchildren, I had decided that I was too old to have any more children, and was more than happy with the way my 5 year old has grown and continues to grow each and every day.

Ready to accept that babies would be in the form of my grandchildren, and somehow accept the fact I had entered early menopause, the lethargic non motivated sick in the stomach every day I was experiencing had just become part of the normal day to day for me as I got up got on with and kept somehow moving through each day of my mundane and routine life.

So overlooking the most obvious reason for my above mentioned symptoms coupled with major mood swings and tears, the thought of pregnancy never crossed my mind.

The most obvious reason women feel the way I was feeling somehow became less than obvious to me, as I overlooked the whole pregnancy thing and ignored the signs I was being given by absolutely everything and everybody in my world.

Jesus Christ even my god damn goats could see that the hormones raging out of control through me were hormones of an expectant mother, however I ignored their obvious gestures there biting and there change of personalities around me, I took their blatant bull shit to be them not loving me anymore as I decided that they were all bastards.

Truth is the goats knew I was pregnant, they know when that time of the month is near, and they react in their way in their manner, trying to tell me what was going on.

My son knew, as he would boldly announce how mum was getting a fat stomach, however the answer to his obvious rude insult was a sharp voice telling him not to be so fucking rude.

Turns out he was doing what kids do and being honest, yes mummy’s tummy was changing it was getting bigger, why? Well that’s easy, because mummy has a little person growing inside of there, however mummy was just a moody snappy cow who took this comment to heart, feeling fat frumpy and tired, as she pushed on daily.

Sore boobs, tired beyond belief and feeling sick to the bottom of my stomach with no period for months should be the alert that any women needs to realise that years of unprotected sex (often) would lead to the end result sooner or later of the tiny patter of feet.

Ok so obvious and I are not really close when it comes to life overall, and yes miss naive, miss blind and miss short sighted that I am sometimes chooses not to see the obvious in any situation in life, and continues to walk around with her eyes half fucking closed to the reality of how it is and how it is going to play out.

Maybe that is the child in me still, maybe that is the safety blanket that I somehow cling to in life to get through it, who the fucking hell knows all I know is yesterday looking at the ultra sound screen with my man and my son in the room with me, had to be one of my all-time complete moments in life.

Finally the way having children having a family having a relationship is the way I had imagined it all to be a trillion years ago when I had shacked up with some dick head, who I accepted more than less from in some sort of attempt to not be alone, in some sort of desperate plea to have that white picket fence I had played out in my mind since I was a child, that perfect relationship with a man I was so in love with and who loved me back that child that was the bees knees, who was my whole world and then some, that complete white picket princess fucking dream all girls have, was a razor wire electrified fence and a nightmare, nothing like the dream I had in my mind.

I did what I do best and persisted in some vain attempt to make a non-functional toxic relationship work in the way my mind had played out so many times growing up, I was determined to change what was into how it should be come hell or high-water, not once stopping to see that the harm it was doing would be harm that could never be repaired, hurt that would never be healed, and lives that would be forever changed and this toxic relationship fail I had created would be an event in my life in my world I would have to learn to accept and live alongside later in my life.

Yet finally here I am feeling the flutter in my stomach of a baby kicking as it grows each and every day, feeling tired and knowing why (now) and feeling proud.

Although my age is a concern to me to say the least, I have finally started to steer away from dr Google and the online horror stories of pregnancy after 35, the complications and the risks that people publish, and I have begun to accept that everybody is different, regardless of who they are, we as women are built to carry children, and we do so well, fucking hell we have carried children in utero since the beginning of time, so age really is just a number similar to statistics and percentages out there that keep the world going around and around with researchers changing shit on a regular basis to suit their own needs and the needs of governing bodies across the world.

At the end of the day I am grateful to finally be with the father of my children the man I love with all of my heart, who loves me back just as much, who makes me laugh who knows my moods my voices my tones my looks, and my sighs, he knows me in more ways than I could have ever imagined possible which is something I am glad of.

I am both thankful and proud to be carrying our baby although yes this time around I am scared I am nervous I am apprehensive but I am happy.

So with each flutter I feel inside me, i will quite often pause and put my hands on my stomach, smiling, thinking to myself how honestly lucky I am to get this opportunity at this point in my life, as I enjoy the feeling of a tiny human growing inside of me, knowing that this truly will be the last time for me that I will be pregnant again in this life time and enjoying it rather than dreading each and every step you go through.

I am grateful that I have found that person in this world who is that one I want to spend eternity with, who I want to share my days with who I am able to be myself around and know that no matter what or who is in our worlds, he sees only me in front of him as I see only him, we are building our family together raising our children and living our lives no matter how shitty they get or what crap we have to deal with, we have one another to get through the   good the bad the  ugly and the trying times.

The cliché of better late than never really rings through my mind right now, as I sigh and think to myself thank god it happened to me late as opposed to never, so I am able to enjoy what is, not wonder or wish for what should be.

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The Light


I used to literally have a panic attack when I would have something trigger any kind of memory from my life.

My heart would speed up to the point of what felt like beating on the outside of my chest my throat would close over as I struggled to get air into my lungs and back out, I would feel an incredible heat running up the back of my neck before it pushed itself around my head into my face and back down into my chest that was not only beating like a mother but was tight and constricted, as I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I was almost like a mouse that somebody had focused a magnifying glass on in the sun, as it heated up as I scampered from thought to thought racing through my mind as I tried desperately to escape the emotion that came with the trigger of the memory I was experiencing.

It really didn’t matter if the memory I had remembered from my past was good bad or indifferent I was experiencing the same reaction to any and all memories I would have.

The fear of fear had consumed me, the fear of feeling emotions had almost eaten my soul.

Words as I would try to desperately tell whoever was around me at the time what was happening would not come out the way I wanted them to, in fact my words made no sense as I rattled them off in a vain attempt to stop the onset of the impending panic attack.

I had become almost incoherent as my world and my life spiralled out of control.

Feeling alone isolated and scared the years past where I had come to live with the way these random triggers would bring back memories, I mean fuck it happens to all of us, we all hear a song or see something that will remind us of a particular time in our lives or spark of a memory from our past, its life its part of how we work, but for me this reliving the past brought with it a world that I had no control over, a world that scared me, a world I didn’t want to remember or be a part of.

Post-traumatic stress disorder had somehow made its way into my world, without my knowledge or consent as it silently buried itself into my mind, settling in somewhere in the dark corners and making itself very much at home as it allowed me to block out totally sections of my life that I did not want to or could not face allowing me to live in a world of numbness, of feeling literally nothing for decades. This was my normal and really this numb normal was fine with me, I did not have to face or feel or deal with any of the emotions or memories that caused this god awful physical panic to rage through my entire being, making me feel like and look like a complete head case.

Fuck it was hard enough to wake up one morning and feel as though I had been abducted and woken up in somebody else’s life, but to have to face and deal with the extremes that panic disorder brought with it felt to me like a road that would never end.

No drug or alcohol would speed up this journey that life would take me on, there was no medication or magic pills and potions out there that could save me from me, there was no therapy or counselling that could possibly wake me back up in my old life where I did not feel like I had been kidnaped and placed in somebody else’s life, there was nothing.

So what the fuck do you do when you have woken up and cannot go back to that person’s life you had when you went to sleep?

You panic!

You panic! And that is exactly what I did, I panicked and spent at least the next 10 – 12 years on a merry go round of panic attacks, followed by epileptic seizures, then more panic, followed by night terrors and dreams that were so real so terrifying so fucked up that I learnt how to avoid sleeping for days on end, I learnt how to stay awake until my body literally caved in and past out with exhaustion, forcing me to close my eyes and drift into the land of the sandman.

I adapted is what I think happened over the years, I somehow succumb to the world that I was living in and accepted my reality, I somehow stopped searching so desperately for a way back to that girl who I swear I was before waking up in the world I knew.

Alongside my reluctant acceptance of the fucked up life I was in was the unconditional love and support I have from my partner, which has been my saviour on more occasions than I can count, his love his support his ear to listen to words as they flow out of my mouth and his soft eyes and safe smile that somehow let me know that things are going to be ok and that yes he does understand what I am trying to tell him he does know the battle I fight within myself is amazing.

To not be judged or told how or what I should be feeling or the way I should be reacting to situations my partner has been my rock, he has without his knowledge given me the strength to find the confidence and courage within myself to work thorough everything that seemed so twisted and hopeless about myself and my world, and he has stood strong waiting for me to come through and meet him on the other side.

Without a shadow of doubt he has been that light at the end of a long and very dark tunnel never failing to flicker and remind me that no matter how small the flame is or how far into the distance that flame seems to be, if I put one foot in front of the other I will reach that flame eventually.

My man has been my eternal light words will never express to him how important he has been in my world or the role he has played without knowledge in helping me find myself helping me to deal with being me in a world that I isolated myself both in and from.

He taught me to love and to let myself be loved, he showed me how to laugh again and never fails to be that hand in a crowd that will reach out to hold mine.

this road has not always been easy for my man to travel with me, I have tried on numerous occasions to take detours, short cuts, and at times I have gone complety off the road  I am on to try to run away from the reality of things, yet he has always stood beside me and never let me down.

His strength through this shit is amazing, he is an amazing man an amazing father and he is truly my best friend.

As I reflect back over the journey I have come through, I cannot believe I am able to say I think finally I have reached the cross roads that I have struggled for so long to finally get to, the cross road that I never thought or dared to imagine actually existed.

Just as quickly and randomly as this whole panic post traumatic nightmare began, is literally how it came that I would regain some form of control, I cannot explain how it has happened, in fact I am not going to analyse and dissect re think and wonder how it is that I have reached the point I am at.

All I can say and do is keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep walking forwards, sometimes going backwards, but knowing that no  matter what it is that is happening, it does end the good bad or indifferent things that happen or come up always end.

Surprised yet grateful to be alive after the things I have done getting to where I am today, I don’t think looking back at the what if’s and the maybe scenario’s that could have been is a good idea, because i know for a fact I drive myself crazy with the what if’s and the if I had of done things this way instead of that way playing out the scenarios in my mind when the reality is I have done things the way I have done them and I have reached this point that I am at right now, the today of my life, not the yesterday or the tomorrow the now and the now is the way it is.

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About Us


About Us

 

I have been working on a Facebook page and a website that is dedicated to my man and life with him called Angel & Eagle, when the web site got to the part About Us, I found myself going totally brain dead.

 

Where do you start when it comes to introducing your life your relationship I mean fucking hell I know what we are like, but try putting about us into bloody words that make sense. I grin as I re read my introduction smiling to myself thinking back on how it was that one Angel came to meet her Eagle.

 

I digress as I was saying the about us thing is as follows, but man o man its cut short.

 

 

Angel & Eagle™ was created by Eagle to share some of our journey through life as a family as we grow, evolve, change, adapt and learn to accept change. 

 

Angel & Eagle shares part of our life and our journey with the world, as we learn about our surroundings and each other as we grow.

 

Similar to most young families we live and learn each day with a bright and bubbly 4 turning 5 year old to keep us both on our toes.

We are both strong independent people who came together when I Angel sent an email to an unsuspecting Eagle in what feels like many life time’s ago.

The email was simple, it read about one line, that asked if Eagle was single signed with my name and return email address.

Considering at the time I sent the email, I had very little to no experience with the online world and its somewhat strange and twisted ways, it never occurred to me that I had used my real name, location and other identifying details, those lessons would be learnt at a much later date.

For now I was focused on getting a reply.

And a reply is what I got when my man answered my one liner of an email asking me who I was and basically why the hell was I asking him if he was single I am assuming I came across as somewhat strange maybe stalker like to the poor guy.

as the weeks passed we began talking, which turned into a friendship, which later turned into a bond, a bond that we have been held together by through thick thin good bad sad and even sadder times.

A bond that I am grateful for and a bond I cherish.

As we moved from the virtual world into one another’s actual world, we have been through more than most couples dream of in one life time, we have been on our fair share of up’s and more than our fair share of downs run a round’s and then some.

We have experienced some of the best things together that life has to offer, and yes we have defiantly been through some of the hardest and most stressful times any couple or family can live through.

Eagle is defiantly my best friend my soul mate and my partner, it is safe to say he is indeed the love of this Angel’s life.

This is a very brief outline of how we went from being one to us as we choose to share some of our journey through our daily life within the online World Wide Web that we found each other in.

We hope you enjoy our online diary of Angel & Eagle and remind people who are reading or following us you are doing so of your own free will nobody has forced you into our pages or social feeds, should any of the contents of any of our pages offend please stop following because you’re bitching and whinging is simply ignored.

We hope you enjoy.

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U = Me + Us


u = me = us

I decided to re blog this post I had written for my man sometime last year, to let him know how important he is to my world and how much I do love him, and our life that we share as a couple and family.
 
We have been through so much in the time we have been together to think back over the things we have been through seen and endured, is almost surreal, most couples don’t go through half of what we have been through in a life time yet somehow we have been through more than I can even begin to comprehend much less write, and come through the other side still standing together, still proud still us, for that I am thankful beyond words, for my man’s strength patience and unconditional love I am speechless. 

I have decided to write this blog partly to thank my partner in life my other half, and my best friend who is known within the on line world as Eagle.

Eagle has been exactly what his name suggests as he has stood by me through more than most people can begin to imagine.

We are the proud parents of our beautiful son, who is 3 going on 30 and we live here in the land down under Australia.

Eagle is my rock, my sense when I need that subtle reminder that things in my world are becoming slightly too chaotic even for me to handle, but mostly he is my friend.

There are not many if any couples out there who can say their partners are their lovers and their friends, its either one or the other, well I am lucky that I am one of few who can say he is both.

For the most part we have a strong relationship, a strong bond one that many people over the years have tried to get in through, and failed.

First was the housemate from hell, then came the Tasmanian nut case dairy farmer, followed by the stalker from some small town in western Australia, my ex, his ex’s, his daughter, and then there is always my online want to be’s who have this way of getting right into my bios and pissing me off beyond belief.

Their infatuation within their imagination turns to a fucking nightmare.

This is what has led me to this blog,

I am in love with one man, this one man has taught me that its ok to love myself again after being in not one but two toxic relationships, one physically violent the other emotionally.

This man has taught me to laugh again, and given me the confidence to be me again, something I hadn’t had up until we met.

My man my Eagle was with me from the moment I went into labour with our son and has not left either one of our sides since. He is a proud man an honest man one that you don’t find often in this fucked up world and yet one who is forever explaining and or finding himself competing with these online outcasts who want to be him or want to be in that part of my heart that only he fits into.

Yes he can be outspoken and yes his words can be razor sharp as they cut into the person he has become outspoken towards, however for the most part he sits in his nest and watches it takes a lot for him to come out with his talons showing and when he does even I know that he has come out of his nest with his pray in plain view as he does what any of us does and zones in on his target attacking at it with any way means and or form after he has tried to do it without the watchful eyes of the public via private messages.

However sometimes the privacy of the inbox is not enough for the person that my Eagle has approached with respect as they ignore what he has requested somehow getting their joy from continuing to do what he has requested them not to do. Thus causing the attack mode that comes from my eagle.

It is not that often that I will write about my relationship and my man, which is not because I am not proud of my man; it is simply been over the years my way of protecting him from the fuck witts out there.

Yet somehow my protecting him idea is not quite doing what it should as I find my man being attacked left right and centre by people whom claim to know things that they simply do not!

Enough is honestly enough, I have and will say again, I am in love with and always have been in love with one man that one man is by my side, always, and always will be that is where he belongs, as I belong by his.

For those out there who wish or want to be him, well welcome to the club, join the fucking que, because to be honest there is only one Eagle and nothing nor nobody is ever going to change that.

A note to my eagle as I finish my rant, baby thank you for being there through all that we have gone through, thank you for being the strong shoulders that have held me up when I have finally given into tears and cried, thank you for being the one I run to, and always being that one I wake up to, in short just thank you for completing us, and making me such a proud mother and proud partner, you are my life, my love my rock and my eternal flame.

I love you always, you = me = us

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Just Because U Think U Know Me


Just a Thought

I found this in my face book notes, and decided to re blog it, still to this day right now the words ring so very true.

Here’s a thought, because you think you know me don’t be so fast to assume that you actually do!

Until you have lived in my world, felt my pain, my joy and experienced everything that I do and continue to learn each and every day, don’t be so fast to assume you know what kind of girl I am.

Stop for one minute in your life and actually use the organ in your skull, which is called your brain, and think with it, this is what one of the brains many functions are actually used for, to some a foreign concept thinking, to others they simply forget to think, therefore I write this note as a timely reminder.

Use your fucking brains and think outside the box in which you have surrounded yourselves in.

The box that so many people seem to find Dutch courage within, as they hide behind their key boards so fast to mouth off or to judge another, when they  forget that they are no more than the aviator image they have created.

Maybe the perfect persona for whom they would like to be, this online version of themselves or how they view themselves, but for me, I say it as your reading it, and I would not hesitate to say anything that you may read on any of my updates etc to a person’s face.

It’s simple, I am who I am, like it or lump it, either way, I figure that haters need somebody to take their anger and resentment out on, and those out there whom are insecure in their lives need someone to pick on, kind of like the school yard bullies really, however now days its does in the great land of the world wide web.

 

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Nice Is Simple Simple Is Nice


I never saw myself leaving the coast much less suburbia full stop and living in what is referred to as semi remote rural.

None the less here I am in a small town I now call home.

Much to my surprise I finally settled here in Maryvale, although the settling phase did take me a bit of time.

Although life in a small town certainly is a far cry from the sands of the gold coast or the hustle of suburbia

I do find it somewhat interesting how an entire town can know my every move when I don’t know it myself but yet I find it scary how an entire town where you actually see very few people around can pass gossip down the bush telegraph like wild fire.

I also find it interesting how people perceive me prior to actually meeting me as it would seem that I am somewhat un-approachable (end quote). 

This unapproachable thing got me wondering on so many levels as I tried to work out why exactly it was that so many people found me so hard to approach, it’s not like I’m a total bitch nor am I rude to people yet the only people who found it easy to come up to me and get to know me is the kids in town when there playing in the park that adjoins our yard.

Maybe it was me reflecting city or suburbia on the outside that made people feel as though talking to me might result in them getting abused or whatever it is people were so wary of when we first came to town.

Yet my partner fitted in here right away he found it easy to meet and talk to the locals, where for me here I was literally a fish out of water for the first time since I was an awkward teenager.

In a town with three speeds literally which are dead slow and stopped relying on tanks for water only here is me the once social butterfly light of any party standing on the sidelines, not fitting in, and feeling alone awkward and so isolated I thought that the world had left me in some kind of twilight zone.

Just me and the goats, feeling like a freak of nature with nothing in common with anybody who might actually wave at me or acknowledge me in any way shape or form.

Not being a drinker really hindered me too I think the local pub was not somewhere I want to hang out nor was it up until recently a place I could bring myself to go inside of because pubs and their smell have a way of being a trigger to my past, I see my ex-husband as clear as mud in front of me slurring his words glassy eyed and nasty.

But after  months of being here we finally went to the pub for a mates birthday, and yes people actually spoke to me, which was pretty much a first, this would be when I would find out how scary I was as people started to warm up to me.

Somewhat proud of myself for being able to manage the whole pub thing, being around people who were drinking and actually being able to have a laugh I can safely say I no longer fear nor hate the pub, and it no longer brings back the worst memories in my world.

Somehow something has changed when it comes to hearing the bottles clang as they go into the rubbish bin, or the smell of beer stale and old as you get a whiff of it when you’re walking past a pub, the fear that was inside of me that was so deep and so desperate is no longer locked up deep down anymore.

In fact a lot has changed in my world as I have grown changed and evolved as a person.

Finally I am able to breathe again when it comes to the whole pub thing, yet being a non-drinker people automatically assume you use drugs, which no I don’t, I don’t drink because of medication and because I’m a shocking drinker, I’m one of those binge drinkers, and I tend to get very emotional when I’m pissed then comes the aggressive bitch who will argue or fight with anybody over anything, let’s just say I’m a bad drunk and leave it at that I reckon.

So all in all life in the country for me has given me an entire new perspective on life in the big bad world overall for the first time since I can remember I am the passenger in the vehicle of life as it takes us on our journey through the good the bad and the ugly even through the gossiping small minds of people who have lived in a small town for too long.

Although health and any support or assistance that people may require in this neck of the woods is still something that is very far behind the rest of Australia or the rest of the world come to think of it, living out here in the country is an experience that I am glad I am going through each day, it really does give you a totally new outlook on so many things that we do take very much for granted each and every day of our lives, and it gives you a new appreciation for the simple things in life that we overlook or simply take as a given or a right, not stopping to remember that simple is not a given nor a right it is a gift, and should be respected and treated as a gift.

Simple as in relying on the rain to fill the tanks so we have water to cook our meals, clean have showers, do our washing or give our animals

Simple water that falls out of the sky that we use to put out fires that burn through our country each and every summer as the weather warms up and the winds begin to blow through our dry desert land, yes just plain old h20.

Simple things like school, as I get ready for next year’s school intake and my baby boy goes into the big bad classroom,

we have decided we will stay here in our small town and send our son to a small country school where he will be in a school with 27 students in total and he will have the teachers attention to do her job and actually teach her students as opposed to teachers in other places who are so over stretched with overcrowded classrooms and kids slipping through the education system left right and centre.

Surprisingly I had a revelation when we were making the choice to stay here or to go back towards suburbia as it dawned on me that my home town was very much like here when I was a kid growing up.

Looking back I see now how the home I knew as a kid, is so similar to the home I have finally began to feel settled in here in what I call the sticks, but the sticks is where I feel content safe and happy for the most part, although I do get the shits with having to drive so far at times to get anywhere, I am kind of getting used to up the road, being a 40 minute drive now as opposed to 5 minutes.

So now the choice to stay here has been made, as my man and I make the commitment to send our son to country school, I can say as I sigh, I’m enjoying being a passenger in my journey, and I love watching my man grow as he meets new people it’s nice to watch him take over its nice to be able to let someone take over after so many years of having to fight, having to be independent and strong, or having to come up with the solution to every single problem life had to hand out.

It’s nice to be able to let somebody finally look out for and look after me as opposed to me having to be the one looking out looking after everybody else.

 

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Where I LIve


Angel O'Fire:

I decided to reblog my blog about where I live, after re reading it I decided the word’s in this blog sum up my town and life quite well…..so Where I Live

Originally posted on Angels Blog:

Where I live there is no round a bouts or traffic lights, there is no zebra crossings to cross roads, we don’t have town water we have tanks only, so you learn quickly that water is liquid gold and should be used wisely.

Where I live there is no traffic, or busy streets filled with people rushing past, there is no loud night clubs or teenagers under dressed underage attempting to fool bouncers on doors in fact where I live there is no bouncers or kids trying to drink underage at the local pub.

Where I live life is simple, people take their time to do things and enjoy looking at the view that surrounds them as they get their work done.

I live in south east Queensland, and its simply awesome.

After the initial shock of arriving to a small country town wore off I began to take notice…

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Hall Of Fame


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Freak


Considering I have not blogged in months, I decided after logging into my computer and finding my inbox well and truly jam packed with emails from the same person that I would use the words my partner wrote on face book, to explain to sum up just how surreal life can be both online and offline.

 

This is one of many notes that my man has written to vent his frustrations to explain in black and white how it is and how others see or view the situation which has become so messed up and so twisted that even I find myself reading these incessant emails wondering how the fuck to get the internet provider of this particular person blocked.

 

 

Just A little note for the stupid

First of all it seems the rest of the world understands accepts and is even happy for Us (Eagle N Angel)

But We have had a follower for years now That stalks , harasses and belittles things we share about us online.

This person not only has dedicated his hermit life to follow both us on our joint pages Angel on her timelines and me Eagle on this page . He has the nerve to complain about things Angel, I or both of us post that contain personal content.

We are proud of our accomplishments, our relationship, our family and the things we do as a couple (as I’m sure any happy couple is) As anyone else that has followed or just seen bits of will agree.

our pages and timelines have always shown us as a couple , A couple that live together love together and have stayed together , We have been through some of the hardest times together .
But we have made it through as a couple , A Couple that work together to overcome these times.

Our stories, posts ,blogs,comments,status updates have always shown events revolving directly or indirectly around the life we share . Photos are unmistakeably of us together or related to place’s we’ve lived still live or have visited together , While still trying to maintain some level of privacy .

This page “Eagles Page” , although manly dedicated to my achievements , creations and general adventures . Has still shown Us as couple . IE: building Angels computer , Building shelter for the goats (the goats we both share) chicken coop ,their eggs, yard maintenance , fencing , moving, the list goes on and on … however still shows that we are together.

The point to this will probably still be ignored as the ignorance seems to over power intelligence. The evidence of the current and pass relationship We share , is In no form altered manipulated , or changed in any way .

The lack of respect to a couples relationship , The continual stalking , the desperate behaviour , The fantasizing , the ignorance to the obvious , the childish attitude, neglectful mindset , egotistical , Characteristics This person displays with every email, every like and comment , Certainly shows to us that he Is in desperate need of help . And It’s a concern to us just how he has been able to bring up his own children..(however not our problem) As we life our life not revolving or mistaking ours for a fantasy as he has displayed for countless years to us …

I think it’s about time your concentration was directed to things closer to your own home, stay out of our relationship and realize that after all this time , that your poor attempts to make a fantasy come true has not only got you nowhere, it has also shown what sort of person you really are , not only to us but anyone that has been shown it ..

Your the only one responsible for your actions

XXXXX EAGLE XXXX — in Maryvale.

 

As I said this is one of many notes and words that have gone from my loving partner to this person who is obsessed with a so called us a non reality a never going to happen fantasy just a crush that really has gone above and beyond a joke.

 

The English language is a great thing it really is, however that great tool we use to communicate can also be a curse especially when the person we are trying to communicate with to tell how it is no matter how we word it no matter how we write it or say it verbally the person means jack shit when that person does not choose to hear things for how they are or see things for what they are,

 

I am just so fed up and sick of saying the same thing over and over like a fucking stuck record only to find the words manipulated changed or altered that I have now reached a point where I don’t use words I don’t have anything left to say to the person who this note and so so many others is directed at the persons name I will not use right at this point in time simply because I can not be fucking bothered.

 

However let me tell you all this in the big old world wide web, there is life outside the internet and its highway of twisted likes and tweets, there is life outside of stupid face book and fucking you tube, in fact there is life out side of email and god damn sms, what is sad and I do mean truly sad is when somebody sits there behind the screen all day everyday following a person online that in reality has a day to day life who has a family and friends who goes out into the sun and if there like me has agreed to some shit somewhere on some ap allowing third party apps to post on my behalf only to be followed by somebody who has made up their mind that they will be with you come hell or high-water not stopping to see the reality is life outside the box and inside it are two totally different worlds, worlds that will never meet as one and will never be anything more than keystrokes.

 

Seriously get a grip.

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Y


When I was growing up I don’t think I ever heard the phrase social networking much less had a clue that this phrase would become part of every day life with social networking sites like face book MySpace, twitter bebo and god know what else out there bringing the internet into our every day lives. 

 

Business’s have face book pages alongside schools and politicians, holy shit every man and his dog uses the internet for updating their status’s reporting their every thought and movement on their face book pages telling the entire world everything from the last time they got lucky right through to what they crapped out this morning when doing a number two on their toilet.

 

I sure as hell had never heard of rehab camps for kids who are using the World Wide Web and its infinite stream of face bookers who are waiting and ready to attack anybody over anything, causing kids to become more bullied than ever before hence leading to depression anxiety and a host of other mental health issues.

 

The closest thing to a Farmville was a virtual pet a tamagotchi that somehow died due to me neglecting to feed it, probably because I was outside exploring at the time the incessant thing would beep.

 

Playing with your friends meant going outside after school and on weekends to hang out with the local kids in the neighbourhood, racing home before dark and eating dinner with your family regardless of how dysfunctional family life was.

 

Being a kid meant learning how to roller skate with your best friend who lived next door, falling and getting up to try again, it didn’t mean sitting down in front of the idiot box and logging in to some social networking site, reading the worlds status updates and clicking like to a million different things which really have no real meaning in your actual life.

 

In my world when I was a kid the closest thing to virtual was virtually never having enough day light at the end of a school day to do all the things I wanted to do.

 

Today virtual has a whole new meaning, and along with it comes the real problems of life online.

 

Not to mention those cashing in on our kids vulnerability and naivety, as we find new generations with mental health issues that kids would never have heard of much less live with and know to be part of the norm.

 

Blame who we want for this generation of kids who don’t know what it is to be outside socialising, who think that the line between virtual and actual is one of the same, who know the command alt shift and delete to be routine, and who talk in a new type of short hand, the computer generated shorthand of OMG, followed by ROFLMFAO, or WTF.

 

The new age of kids who don’t know what it is to be out side until dark, who will never understand the importance of skinned knees, and ball games, these kids are our virtual dummies, in a realistic manner.

This is not something that the governments of the world can take the blame for, nor will they accept the blame for our generation of zombies who are overweight and under educated in the skill of life, no this is something we have created and allowed to evolve into a generation a generation of Y.

 

Generation Y us. generation Life owes us a living we don’t owe the world a thing, the selfish yet self proclaimed selfless generation, the generation of apple, Ibm, android app downloading free loading computer look at us generation.

 

Try telling generation Y to go out into the sun and they will argue with you why not to go out in the sun, try telling them to grow a tree and they will have an argument as to why they should not grow a tree, this is a generation of Craig’s list Google and LCD screens, filled with virtual relationships, virtual marriage, and skyping.  a generation of hard drives and usb sticks, a generation that relies wholly and solely on the internet to communicate, to function to live.

 

Which really does scare me when I look towards the future, and who it is that will be around to look after me should I live to be elderly, my god will I be blessed to be looked after in my old age by my kids who are the birth children of generation Y, a generation of an altered reality in a parallax world known as the world wide web?

 

Who knows maybe the founders of face book will come out with an app that will enable this generation to communicate outside of the box with my generation, maybe an app that will teach the kids of today just what the kids of yesterday used to get up to in the real world the world before I Pad’s and smart phones, a world that meant if you got dirty then you were having fun.

 

Maybe smart phones across the world will have an app that will take things in life back to the basics, back to the days families talked rather than text messaged one another or communicated via email.

 

Maybe one day the days of writing a letter to someone and posting it in the snail mail may be something the world takes back up as a chosen form of communication, but I am picking that we will continue to message and email one another due to the so called convenience that the world wide web has to offer, not to mention the real time communication that comes along with the cyber highway.

 

There is a lot to be learned from generation Y as they travel their journey of life as they know it down the internet highway, I mean just look at those cashing in already on the mental health and well being of our kids, thanks what the internet and social networking has to offer.

 

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