2 Mums 2 Dad’s

There is always a reason for things that happen within our lives, we may not like the reason but then again nobody likes to know they are the reason for things turning shit faced on them.

Often the victims of relationship breakdowns are the silent victims the victims that are forgotten. Our kids.

Relationships between adults are a choice, often families are not the once traditional families with mum and dad, as blended families have become more socially acceptable, same sex families are also becoming more common within society as we move into a day and age of accepting diversity, culture, and sexuality within our communities.

Therefore when our fairy tale dreams end up turning into nightmares we cannot turn around and blame children who are in these relationships, because first and foremost they did not make the choice of a new partner or a blended family you the adult made this choice for them.

Adolescents do not choose which partner mum or dad ends up with, this is too often over looked and our kids are subjected to experiencing a range of social issues resulting in mental health detritions as a result of our ignorance.

Too eager to place the blame for our child’s behaviour on our ex-spouse we overlook the fact that again the choice of us having our spouse as and ex was not the fault or choice of the innocent children involved in the breakdown of a relationship.

The reasons that lead to your relationship breakdown and breakup in the first instance was not the fault of the children caught in the tug of war of mum v’s dad, in the fight for supreme affection nor does this give you the hurting ex-spouse the right to use your children as a weapon of  destruction towards one another.

You have overlooked that the silent victim in all of this, is that person that did not ask for you and the other parent to procreate, and give him or her the so called gift of life.

This person did not ask to be the tool for the tit for tat war between you and your now ex-partner, and this person certainly deserves to be treated with dignity and respect as they are also hurting due to the breakdown of their home their mum and dad, and their family unit.

Kids often do not understand or know that their mum and dad can and do separate.

They do not comprehend the possibility of two last names, two bedrooms at different houses, and the possibility of a new mum on one side of the fence as dad moves in his girlfriend, and a new dad on the other side, as mum finds a new love of her life.

Kids do not understand why mum cries at night or yells every time dad calls hanging up the phone or throwing it across a room in temper.

You forget that kids are the innocents who have become the victims of your break up.

Refusing to hear her or his name from your child is not only wrong, but it is putting the idea into the child’s head of hate.

This hate, leads to kids not knowing where they fit or belong within their now divided homes, but it also is a foundry for kids to become caught up in the war of separation.

Teaching them by our actions and reactions to our relationship breakdowns that hey its ok to try and end our own lives, or its ok to stay in bed while the world keeps on going so we can sleep and pretend our hearts are not broken, or its cool to drink ourselves into a slurred unbalanced mess everyday as they watch their mum or dad become a shattered mess.

We forget that our kids view us as stable; it is not acceptable to act like a fucking moron when a relationship ends.

It is not acceptable to keep on your pity party leaving your kids to grow up to fast, and wonder why they ended up fucked up.

You have the duty after all you made the choice in the first place to become a parent to provide the one thing they have come to count on, stability,

its OK to let your kids know your human by crying or let them know that you hurt too, but it’s not ok to make them feel that they have to fix what they did not break which is your and your broken relationship.

You made the choice, now deal with it, don’t palm it off onto your kids and make them feel like they are the reason your entire life fucked up.


About Angel O'Fire

New Zealand born, this kiwi chick took flight to live in the great land down under in Queensland Australia in 1988. I am clumsy at times not known for my tact and or grace, straight to the point, and somewhat impatient, I have come to accept that what is in this life simply is. Far from religious, I do not believe in a divine god per say that will come down and save the world, although I accept each to their own when it comes to their views and beliefs of what religion is or should be. I consider myself to be my own worst critic as I tend to strive for best, and have a tendency to push myself physically and emotionally beyond my limits. Still naive at times, still hoping to see the good rather than the bad in people, this has not been one of the qualities that I can say I am fond of, as it has come to burn me time after time over the years. I am a strong believer in Karma, as I do believe in what we put out is what we do get in return, good bad or indifferent. With a tendency to stand my ground when it comes to opinions, as we all have one, there is no right nor wrong, it is a perspective, a view point on how we view a subject. Zero tolerance for others who are self-riotous, I have no interest in people who claim to have never done any wrong in their lives, and who judge others, prior to walking in those they cast judgement upon’s shoes. I am just your average girl who is trying to make my way through life as it is. I am a mother, lover, friend, partner, co-worker, manager, coach, and referee, a Jill of all trades. A firm believer that ‘ignorance is not bliss’ nor is ‘ignorance’ and excuse to be an arsehole in the world we live in today, those who continue to use the ‘ignorance is bliss’ rule are plainly arrogant and uneducated. I love the water, beach surf and sand, the water is where I seem to find myself when I need to take 5 mins out of life's hectic cycle. I figure that each to their own, as it takes all kinds of people to make the world go round. I believe that life is not learnt out of a text book, and often wonder why we teach our lessons from one to our growing generations. Although I can be a surprising wealth of knowledge I find it amazing how a person can actually no so much about nothing, yet be a master of the topic. I am that girl who cuts her jeans into shorts because she got hot, am not one to enjoy shopping, in fact I hate the entire nightmare of going shopping and it has me fkd how so many chicks say 'lets make a day of it' and love bouncing from shop to shop looking at things that are well pointless. All in all that is me so hello world I'm Angel.
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6 Responses to 2 Mums 2 Dad’s

  1. strugglingwithbipolar says:

    I love your point of view here. It’s not the children that pick the adults partners and they don’t understand the concept of a parent leaving, especially not at a young age.

  2. bipolarmuse says:

    I love this article.
    I sadly, have been divorced and have children from each. I fear what the divorces have done to them and I truly hope it serves as a learning experience for them. One thing I NEVER do is bash the other parent. Never ever… it isn’t my style and I think the kids will appreciate that.

  3. Angel O'Fire says:

    Yes I can relate too well to how a relationship breaks down, i have 4 beautiful babies and yes I know the awful feeling when the judge declares your marriage finalized and decreed, somehow its almost a feeling of being robbed, as some stranger states you have satisfied his or her courts need’s to meet the final stage in getting this decree, this one thing you think or hope is the closure you need, or want so so badly, yet its a feeling of emptiness for a minute as you are left to the reality of the end. We live we love we learn I guess.

  4. Scottie says:

    Very well said Angel. Not only should parents read this , but children should also so they know they are not the reason the parents fight or broke up. Hugs

  5. Angel O'Fire says:

    Kid’s have an inbuilt sense, we seem to think that they are silly, forget that they are their own person that we may of created but they have grown into independent breathing,thinking, feeling people who have a right to know the truth, regardless of what that truth may be, they don’t need to no the tit for tat insides and outs of everything, but what they do need to know is that regardless of mum and dad no longer living under the same roof, it is not the child’s fault, they also do not need to feel as though talking to one parent about the other, is like bringing up a taboo subject.
    Kid’s need to have an understanding of relationship breakdowns so they can process it properly in their own minds, but also because they themselves will find throughout life that certain friendships and their own relationships are not always going to end up in the fairy tale picket fence that we all want, this empowers them to become well adjusted adults,

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