There is always a reason for things that happen within our lives, we may not like the reason but then again nobody likes to know they are the reason for things turning shit faced on them.
Often the victims of relationship breakdowns are the silent victims the victims that are forgotten. Our kids.
Relationships between adults are a choice, often families are not the once traditional families with mum and dad, as blended families have become more socially acceptable, same sex families are also becoming more common within society as we move into a day and age of accepting diversity, culture, and sexuality within our communities.
Therefore when our fairy tale dreams end up turning into nightmares we cannot turn around and blame children who are in these relationships, because first and foremost they did not make the choice of a new partner or a blended family you the adult made this choice for them.
Adolescents do not choose which partner mum or dad ends up with, this is too often over looked and our kids are subjected to experiencing a range of social issues resulting in mental health detritions as a result of our ignorance.
Too eager to place the blame for our child’s behaviour on our ex-spouse we overlook the fact that again the choice of us having our spouse as and ex was not the fault or choice of the innocent children involved in the breakdown of a relationship.
The reasons that lead to your relationship breakdown and breakup in the first instance was not the fault of the children caught in the tug of war of mum v’s dad, in the fight for supreme affection nor does this give you the hurting ex-spouse the right to use your children as a weapon of destruction towards one another.
You have overlooked that the silent victim in all of this, is that person that did not ask for you and the other parent to procreate, and give him or her the so called gift of life.
This person did not ask to be the tool for the tit for tat war between you and your now ex-partner, and this person certainly deserves to be treated with dignity and respect as they are also hurting due to the breakdown of their home their mum and dad, and their family unit.
Kids often do not understand or know that their mum and dad can and do separate.
They do not comprehend the possibility of two last names, two bedrooms at different houses, and the possibility of a new mum on one side of the fence as dad moves in his girlfriend, and a new dad on the other side, as mum finds a new love of her life.
Kids do not understand why mum cries at night or yells every time dad calls hanging up the phone or throwing it across a room in temper.
You forget that kids are the innocents who have become the victims of your break up.
Refusing to hear her or his name from your child is not only wrong, but it is putting the idea into the child’s head of hate.
This hate, leads to kids not knowing where they fit or belong within their now divided homes, but it also is a foundry for kids to become caught up in the war of separation.
Teaching them by our actions and reactions to our relationship breakdowns that hey its ok to try and end our own lives, or its ok to stay in bed while the world keeps on going so we can sleep and pretend our hearts are not broken, or its cool to drink ourselves into a slurred unbalanced mess everyday as they watch their mum or dad become a shattered mess.
We forget that our kids view us as stable; it is not acceptable to act like a fucking moron when a relationship ends.
It is not acceptable to keep on your pity party leaving your kids to grow up to fast, and wonder why they ended up fucked up.
You have the duty after all you made the choice in the first place to become a parent to provide the one thing they have come to count on, stability,
its OK to let your kids know your human by crying or let them know that you hurt too, but it’s not ok to make them feel that they have to fix what they did not break which is your and your broken relationship.
You made the choice, now deal with it, don’t palm it off onto your kids and make them feel like they are the reason your entire life fucked up.