There are so many things we take for granted, I mean everyday things, like brushing our teeth, having the strength to brush your hair wash your face even get out of our pj’s much less struggle with the battle of getting out of our beds.
Taking a shower without having to need somebody watch over us in case we somehow goes head over tit and through the shower glass, thanks to some blacking out spell we may have encountered.
Then theres the other things we seem to bitch and whinge about daily hanging out our washing, going out of the four walled prisons that hold us as we fool ourselves into somehow thinking that these walls keep us safe.
Safe from what? I question myself on this theory considering I have agoraphobia and this acute fucking fear of crowd’s places people oh yes and fucking crowds.
Yet my prison cell somehow holds some form of safety within the four walls, some kind of fucked up reasoning that my brain tells me is how it is so I go along unwillingly to challenge my thoughts, for fear of the unknown.
I don’t know the downhill spiral of over working coupled with the bullshit of doctors and medication or lack thereof has somehow made me question the entire vitality of so very much.
What’s the fucking point really?
Is there a fucking point? No I doubt that there is, its one continuous cycle of bullshit after bullshit, and having to find a baby sitter to watch over some fucked up grown up in case I have some kind of fit and go through the glass in my own god damn shower.
Oh fuck no don’t have a bath, in case I go under and literally drown.
Or in case I don’t realize the temperature of the water and end up with third degree burns followed by fucking hypothermia.
My god, I can relate to the frustration that old people feel right at this point in time as I type from my bed on a lap top computer that continues to zap me from time to time, due to some loose fucking wire In it somewhere, as I roll my eyes I figure I have had my vent, and I wonder why the fuck ii don’t own 3 cats, and why they fuck haven’t I turned into the crazy fucking cat women yet?
Yes frustrated, yes feeling probably sorry for my sad arsed self, but totally fucking over being me!